If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
