I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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