Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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