Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
