Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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