I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
