She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
