Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
