he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
