bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
