You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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