Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
