It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
