I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
