i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Are we still banned from the library?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
