I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize