I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
