Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
