Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize