Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
