then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
