Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
