Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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