She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
