Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
