who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
