i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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