i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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