I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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