I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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