I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
