i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
