Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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