saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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