Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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