i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize