So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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