either way he was missing a nipple.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize