Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
