I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
