im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
