so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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