I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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