Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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