i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize