Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize