She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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