Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
