Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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