I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
