didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
