And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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