I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
