hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
