Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
