I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
