does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
