I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So vagazzling was a success
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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