Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
