bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
