Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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