I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize