I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're like the curious george of whores
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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