I could make wine with my vomit
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
