Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
