If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
