I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize