Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
