i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
