I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
