Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
