porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
