filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
