I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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