everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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