maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
