Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
